Taking Responsibility – on the buses

Its easy you find yourself reminiscing about how different things are from when you were a child and to then simply dismiss it as ‘getting older’, but if you use buses for travel, then I’m sure at some point or other you’ll have noticed how manners and recognised social protocols appear to have changed in recent years.

Certainly in my experience, and listening to the complaints of those a generation or so older than me, it starts with queuing at bus stops – or nowadays the distinct lack of it. We British are renowned for being great queuers and, as Kate Fox notes in Watching the English, any hint of queue jumping or barging is judged as a very real violation and causes distress, keenly felt and expressed often through…well, a bit of muttering and tutting.

The majority of young people in particular appear to defy this convention and no longer form a queue at the bus stop that is based on the sequence in which people arrived there. When the bus pulls up, they simply push forward, often with earphones in and eyes to the floor, and make sure they get on, regardless of anyone else.

And once on the bus, well, according to my rather outspoken older aunt, the list of poor social behaviour continues. Why play music so loud? Why talk so loud? Why put feet on seats? Why not give up a seat when someone who needs it more is standing?

I don’t think this is just a problem for my aunt and an older generation lamenting ‘the youth of today’, for we now have posters on the bus, reminding us about this once standard social etiquette. Is this because other passengers are scared to make eye contact, feel intimidated, and know that if they were to say something, the most likely reaction would be strong language, abuse or worse?

Our abdication to technology also plays a part in that isolation. Smart phones have us looking down at screens, not up at fellow passengers, as well as shutting out real time noise in favour of music, or podcasts. Even the Smart travel card we swipe as we get on the bus removes the need to look at, or say anything to the driver – who then spends a day effectively being ignored.

This is just one example of how we are losing our sense of community and in the process, our personal responsibility and necessary contribution to that community, as we cocoon and separate ourselves in our own world. Its not the community most of us really want but it’s a good example of how things can slip slowly away from the acceptable.

If it was a work or school environment we’d see the imperative for addressing the situation and making changes for the better, under the mantle of respect and ‘best practice’. For those of us living and working daily with younger people this is a real example of why we need to be helping them to develop a positive self connection and self awareness, as well as an awareness of the others around them.

So when you’re practicing inclusive groupwork, random grouping, even taking turns and encouraging eye contact, you’re not only creating confident independent learners and holding your pupils accountable, also remember that way ahead in the future you’re helping to make a group of bus passengers and a driver have a much nicer day.

SATs Stress

Many staff rooms and classrooms across UK are tangibly more tense and on edge at the moment, as the pressure and sense of urgency mount around the upcoming SATs and end of term exams.

While a few with younger pupils choose to slip them in quietly, as a discrete activity that passes unremarked and unnoticed for many parents or children, at the other extreme some schools cram, practice and focus on them as a grim reminder of what is coming up, tests where every mark counts and staff argue over targets.

With the weight of expectation and so much riding on this for both staff and children, what does this do to hearts and minds?

Recent conversations with Year 6 teachers have, like in other years, been along the lines of – “Relationships? Working together? Collaborating and cooperating? Sorry, we’ve no time for that for the next few weeks! Once we get SATs out of the way, then we can do more of that kind of stuff.”

Looking at their worried, weary faces and acknowledging how tough it is for them and their children, I feel compelled to gently suggest that perhaps this is precisely the time to keep the class interacting with each other, offering opportunities to talk and maintain trust and mutual support.

Thresholds for coping with stress vary enormously. Some children may withdraw and be quiet, while others lose their tentative grip on boundaries, expectations and behaviour and act, or even lash, out. Others may sit in a pool of anxiousness and not even be noticed.

At the right level, of course, adrenaline and some stress can help produce a peak performance, but many go beyond a peak performance stage into something more detrimental and harmful. A stressed brain closes down and focuses on staying alive, so all that learning and revision can get wasted, or have a limited impact. In contrast, ‘happy’ and calmer brains offer a much better outlook all round. Dopamine gets released and metaphorically the doors of the brain are opened, the neurons get firing, embedding learning and experiences in the important parts of the brain that helps us retain and recall information.

If we want our children to be in this calmer place, then there are simple relaxation techniques, such as being still, counting to ten and breathing that can make all the difference. Practising these in class gives children access to a range of important, but easy to use strategies for coping with exams and many other situations they’ll experience in adult life.  Once they’ve learned them, they’ll be able to independently recognise a situation, make choices and act.

So my thoughts are with everyone in the midst of exams and tests.
Good luck, do the best that you can – and remember to breathe.

cathy@cathyota.com     @cathyota.com

50 Things To Do

50 Thing To To Before You’re 11¾

There was a great deal coverage in the media last week about the UK’s National Trust list of
50 things to do before you’re 11¾.

Drawing on their Kid’s Council, the suggestions were originally compiled in 2012, to ‘encourage kids to get mucky, discover their wild side and most of all enjoy what Mother Nature has to offer!’  This week, a revised list was published, as so many children had completed it and extracts were posted on the BBC’s Newsround website.

So do you remember rolling down a big hill or climbing a tree?  How about camping out in the wild, or jumping over waves on the seashore?

Amidst this technology fog and the all too frequent situation of staying at home and lack of freedom to explore and play, it is reassuring to read the list of suggestions that children themselves value and want to do – see the Northern Lights, enter a waterskiing competition and to read all the Jacqueline Wilson books being just a few.

Children can find it difficult to understand how to let go and ‘safely take risks‘ as well as engage socially with others, because of the increased role of technology in their lives. Interactions are with a screen on a phone, computer or iPad, at the expense of the time and opportunity to learn and develop important playing skills with another person.

What we want for children, so that they get the most from being young and be equipped to thrive and flourish as adults, clearly involves their relationships with others and themselves. They are crucial and a significant part of how we define ourselves and our mental, physical and emotional wellbeing.

We also need to know what it’s like to take a chance, take a risk and discover something about ourselves as well as the world around us. No pressure to be ‘cool’ – just the space to relax, be ourselves and play. So three cheers to the National Trust for encouraging us to feel connected with nature and get mucky and for supporting this important aspect of childhood. They’ve provided parents with some excellent ideas and suggestions for motivating children, so please check out the list and figure out what you’re going to do.
There’s still time – even if you have missed the 11 ¾ deadline!

cathy@cathyota.com     @cathyota

Childcare Ratios

The ratio of adults to young children in Early Years is once again up for discussion and developing into a heated debate, following the UK Government’s announced plans for changing the ratios for 2-year olds up from four per adult to six, and for 1-year olds and under, up from three children to four.

The proviso that these higher ratios can only apply where staff are more qualified does nothing to calm the unrest – more qualified staff still only have one pair of eyes, ears and hands and the same amount of time to work in and divide up. Severe critics include government adviser Professor Cathy Nutbrown, powerful groups like Mumsnet and Netmums and membership organisations such as the Pre-School Learning Alliance which has launched a government e-petition, www.rewindonratios.com.

It’s understandable that increasing staff to child ratios can significantly reduce costs – and what an easy way to save several thousand pounds in one swift hit. However, talking with those working in early years nurseries and classrooms, the money side of things is by no means the most significant concern.

Clearly, budgets and resources that are stretched will have a huge and detrimental affect on both children and staff. The list of what we ask of our early years professionals increases and grows. The targets we ask them to work to and measure, for each child, increases that workload and this is made even more demanding with the often urgent needs of the children they care for.

Alongside developmental delays and speech and language difficulties many nurseries include groups of children who desperately need the opportunity to socialise with others, interact and learn how to play, independently, happily and confidently. The adults who care and share this time with them, who provide the opportunities and experiences to grow and develop have a crucial role in modelling, labelling, noticing and creating that environment, moment by moment.

Whether as parents, or in early years, adults are the bridge for children to see, understand and learn how to get on with other people, interact and support their peers through collaborative and cooperative play and learning. Without the adult providing enough time to enable that learning opportunity for children, then not much is going to be gained.

It is so much harder to unlearn poor attitudes and habits than grow and nourish healthy ones while in early years. I’ve seen that first hand working with older children who don’t want to work with, or even sit next to, anyone apart from their friend – where does that leave them when they go on work experience or into their first job and they are plunged into a team of different ages, personalities and perspectives?

cathy@cathyota.com       @cathyota

Do you Measure Up?

Terence Blacker wrote an interesting comment piece this week (The Independent, 15/4/13). Referring to broadcaster Andrew Marrs’ recent stroke, he offered some suggestions for avoiding what he called, ‘the meltdown of late middle age’.
Amongst other things, these included:

• treating people kindly at work
• replying to emails and telephone calls from human beings – because not communicating ….has become a disease [and] failing to talk, you add to the cold core of loneliness in our world
• appreciating what you’ve got…don’t compare yourself with others’

While there may not be anything new being said here, and while I don’t really see myself fitting into the late middle age melt down group, I nevertheless felt an internal conscience prod as I thought a little more about how I REALLY measure up with these three apparently simple actions and values at work. I’d like to think that the answer is ‘very well’, but there lies complacency and even delusion, because it’s not what I think, its what others experience that counts.

I have many conversations with staff teams and leaders about what prevents their teams from working more cohesively and effectively together, and most often the blocks are communication and how people do (or don’t) treat each other.

Last week my work included sessions with adult teams in two schools, a hospice and a medium sized business. Its immensely rewarding watching what can happen when you provide the space and questions that gets a group mixing and talking together, bringing those who might otherwise see themselves on the periphery into the discussion as equals and with everyone included. I’m acutely aware that this isn’t easy for those who are usually more isolated and I have a huge respect for the way people will trust each other and take the risk of being vulnerable.

Acknowledging and appreciating differences, recognising that people often come from different perspectives can be challenging and finding a shared way forward as a team is an important piece in the success of a school, organisation or business. The steps can be very small at times, especially if trust has been knocked before, or group dynamics work against including everyone. However, as every good leader knows, a group of people in a room, sitting round a table or even working on a job together, doesn’t make a team. That only truly begins to happen when there is time to talk, reflect and sustain themselves and focus together. In effective teams everyone is then more focused, motivated and happier (which also means less sickness) and so much more can be achieved all round.

I wrote last week about how valuable it is to take a moment for ourselves, but of course its not just on our own that we need to make space for reflective time. Investing in that time together as a team, so that we can talk together and share time and space, is another important way of reconnecting, grounding and helping us be human again.

cathy@cathyota.com       @cathyota

Fresh, Alive & Kicking

The Russian proverb, ‘Love and eggs are best when fresh’ conjures up a smile in me every time I hear it and works particularly well around Easter.

At the heart of my professional thinking and work is a fascination and curiosity with our fundamental connections with each other and the sometimes difficult task of being human.

With my last two blogs I’ve focused on the impact that adult behaviour, interactions and role models can have on our children and young people, particularly the powerful messages that are portrayed across the media.  Today I’m reflecting on the opposite end of the spectrum and considering the importance of having time alone, being quiet and still – things that don’t come that easily under the constant activity of modern life, mobile phones, iPods, Facebook, X-Box consoles and Twitter.

It’s often in those moments of solitude that we make important connections for ourselves.  I’m not talking about figuring out the meaning of life, in fact I think what we want and need more than that is to feel and be alive.  Mindful.  Not just existing.

Staying in the present moment rather than reflecting on the past or looking ahead to the future is powerful, grounding and regenerative and needs teaching and role modelling just as much as any other essential skill.

Having time alone in the present lets us know what it’s like to be ourselves, brings self awareness for us and how we connect and relate to others, whether our teams at work or in our home lives.

So I’m hoping you enjoy some time to yourself, in the present, over Easter and that you have the chance to remember and reconnect with the knowledge and inspiration that like love and eggs, we are also at our best when we’re fresh.

cathy@cathyota.com      @cathyota

Hacked Off

Last week I was questioning the role models we make as adults and the importance of taking responsibility for our actions.

In the UK we are very publicly debating the role of the media following extensive phone hacking by the press in order to get the information they suggested that they needed to ‘give us the stories we demanded’. There has been a gross disrespect of the individuals involved, and court cases for many of the accused.

Hugh Grant, not usually associated with politics and making a stand in public debate, and clearly incensed by the invasion of his privacy, has been commenting on the complicated political manoeuvrings by Parliament to install a code of ethics for the press.

As a representative of Hacked Off he is attempting to hold others to account, challenging those who have used and abused their power (the media and by inference politicians) to keep their promises to develop a clear understandable code of rights and responsibility. He admits that the suggested ways forward leave him floundering in their complexity and other victims have aired their dismay at the result.

I spend a lot of time with schools and teams unpicking and delving into how we teach and enable children to be clear communicators. Only when they can talk and listen clearly are they able to tackle the much more demanding skills of negotiation and compromise, or even disagreeing politely.

Where do our children learn how to do that? Where are their role models in nurseries, schools, the media and the adults they watch and see around them? As schools and nurseries, we can’t live up to our purpose or vision, or even begin to move towards it, if we don’t hold ourselves and others accountable and uphold the rights of our children for the best education and opportunities we can give them.

Teaching children how to challenge each other and disagree politely is what a number of Brighton schools have been explicitly addressing with their classes. Figuring out what to say and how to deliver it takes practice, so they’ve been doing that daily, with each other and their teacher. A vital skill, along with an appreciation of the appropriate tone of voice, body language and nonverbal cues.

Of course giving the message is only one half, and there has been more exploration into how to respond when someone gives you that message. And, three weeks later, the work and practice has paid off. The children are comfortable using the scripts with each other and naturally it has impacted on how they are listening, responding and learning.

What a great environment for those children to be in, because difficult conversations are, well, difficult, but have to be had. Having the trust and communication skills as a team or class is crucial for when it comes to holding others accountable. And building that trust and those skills is part of our job.

Hugh Grant was asked how his experiences with politics differed from making films. He replied that dealing with real life, as opposed to synthetic life, was a lot more interesting and frightening. I totally agree. We need to work harder at giving our children and students the awareness, skills and values to live, learn and flourish in their very real world.

cathy@cathyota.com         @cathyota

Revenge, Respect and Responsibility

Last week we saw some disturbing reminders of just how bad things can get for us as adults if we can’t compromise, or take responsibility for what we do or say.

Whether it’s the fallout from the breakdown of a husband and wife relationship, or nations shouting threats of violence at each other in order to get the attention of the wider world, these stories do little to set an exemplar of good behaviour, or show the need to take ownership and responsibility for behaviour and actions.

Compromise and negotiation is complex and can of course be very difficult – just ask two toddlers who want to play on the same bike!

But I’ve been working with a number of school staff teams this week who have been unpacking how these two things can be taught and practiced with children in their classrooms by identifying and understanding the scripts the children need to make them happen. We pondered the mechanics of compromise through self awareness, sharing ideas, decision making and a whole lot more. It was a delight to hear how, with appropriate guidance, 9 year olds were able to overcome their initial difficulties with eye contact, to be polite and respectful of themselves and each other and reach a class-wide agreement on a future behaviour code.

Teaching respect and compromise isn’t enough in itself of course and we have to set and constantly demonstrate a good example. The powerful and yet subtle impact that we, and the actions of people in the media and wider authority, like Chris Huhne, have on our young people and children can’t be underestimated.

As we strive to create positive relationships and environments of trust and understanding for the children in our care, where there is respect and the taking of responsibility, staff teams must take on board that how they treat each other and the students sets an underlying tone and has a crucial part to play in how children figure out the kind of person they want to be and how they want to live.

cathy@cathyota.com   @cathyota

Emotions, Trust & Vulnerability

Last week I was working with junior schools and early years staff and children in Cyprus. After several days of randomly grouping both adults and children I was reminded of
just how vulnerable participants feel being mixed up in an unfamiliar team, or asked to line up alphabetically with people they don’t know that well, or feel that comfortable with.

When schools take on the challenge of getting their children to learn and be together in a more random way I often hear about children initially moaning and complaining, not liking it. Sometimes the class reacts to the teacher’s attempts at random grouping by switching the cards they’ve been given to match, or manipulating it somehow to still end up working with their friends – something I’ve even seen adults do when randomly grouped in training.

Emotions occasionally get expressed even more strongly in some situations, and I’ve seen someone drop to the floor kicking and screaming when they’ve been asked to do something they don’t want to do, in this case work with a boy.  OK, so she was 4 years old, but that’s not to say that feelings don’t also run high for lots of people when put in a situation where they feel anxious and exposed.

So why does this happen? Insecurity? Getting one up on the adult in charge?
I think it’s usually about vulnerability, being exposed and taking risks.

If we ponder the impact of this on learning its obviously a big barrier and reflects deeper divisions in a classroom. What we want is for every child to feel comfortable, be able to take risks and ask questions, learn from and support each other.

This will only happen if we understand what they need to learn (how to be vulnerable, engage respectfully with different people, including those who aren’t their friends), appreciate what we’re asking of them (that its not that easy) and
give them explicit, regular opportunities to experience, practice and develop those skills and relationships.

cathy@cathyota.com      @cathyota

What About The Playground?

PE, sport and outdoor activity were in the UK news recently with OFSTED claims of ‘not enough strenuous activity in schools’. Clearly these are three separate areas and we shouldn’t lump them together, but if primary school children need to get more active – what is happening in our playgrounds?

Playtime is a valuable opportunity for freedom, space, exploring, talking, laughing, thinking, running around and using imagination, but things can go wrong and not live up to that ideal. For many children, and staff, playtimes can be the most stressful time of the day; bringing isolation, feeling left out, nothing to do, arguments and even fights.  Football, although a great way of being active, is also the cause of much conflict with often a sharp exchange of words and physical blows.

So here’s a suggestion, a number of schools I’m working with are introducing some imaginative ideas that are actively addressing the reality of playtime and the challenges it can present for staff and some children. These include setting up Play Zones for collaborative and cooperative playground games that children can come along and join in with.  Not only is joining in and playing a far more positive and rewarding role for the supervising adults, it can help children feel more included, encourage them to interact and get them moving and active!

They become an opportunity to learn about the skills of playing as well. Instructions for the game being played need to be taught, and as teachers and supervisors, you can remind the children at a deeper level about the skills they are using. In this way, you can set the children up for success and fun by reminding, reinforcing, highlighting and praising them, whether it be turn taking, patience, eye contact, being careful around others or being gentle.

For schools wanting to promote social skills, emotional literacy, independence and resilience the work has to extend and continue beyond the classroom. Play zones are a great way of doing that, so please get it and get in touch if you’d like some help and ideas.

E-mail: cathy@cathyota.com     Twitter: @cathyota